Advice For Future Corpses (Sallie Tisdale)
Sallie Tisdale is a longtime Buddhist practitioner and worked in palliative care and nursing for many years. Now she teaches writing.
OVERVIEW
If you’re into blunt writing and dry humour, Advice for Future Corpses (A Practical Perspective on Death and Dying) is a book for you. One review dismissed Sallie Tisdale as being far too arrogant on the subject, but I think it’s more that she’s just very straightforward and has strong opinions. Do this. Don’t do that. Say this. And this. Not that. This is good. This is bad. I certainly felt in some parts like I was getting a stern talking to. I will concede that Tisdale sometimes spoke with just a twinge of disdain toward certain people, companies, charities, etc. in the death space. I can see how for some it comes across as haughty.
I loved a few things about Advice for Future Corpses that I don’t think other books have nailed quite the same way. The first is that we shouldn’t strive for a good death – hope and contemplate, but not strive in a way that sets us up for failure. She also has a great take on “dignity” and what it means to maintain one’s dignity in dying (the crux being that nothing the human body does naturally while falling apart is undignified). There’s a meaty middle section that describes how to be around a dying person (more instructions than I’ve ever received on the subject, in fact). I think she gives a very clear-eyed picture of what hospice and palliative care can offer, and what they can’t. And lastly, a very honest look at grief and grieving.
This book was very matter-of-fact and easily digestible. A ton of practical advice and actionable content.
WHAT NOW? (actions for mortal atheists)
Contemplate death. All the time.
Tisdale quotes Virginia Morris here with a call to “rehearse the crisis.” Dedicate time to thinking about death, how you might die. Write down your fears about what could happen. Play them out in your mind. Practice your moves like a soldier, like a surgeon. This is how we start to chip away at fear, by removing the element of surprise.
With what attitude do you want to meet death? Start practicing.
How do you want to approach death? With curiosity? With a sense of adventure? With gratitude? With presence? Practice meeting all your losses and endings in life with these attitudes. Practice in every moment. What is found then is found now, and you will meet death with the values and attitudes you inhabit every day. As Howard Zinn said, “the future is an infinite succession of presents.” Make your desired attitudes a mastered reaction to life.
Start each day with a meditation on impermanence.
You can create your own meditation, or you can draw on something like the Buddha’s Five Remembrances. There are many variations, but try: “I am of the nature to grow old. I am of the nature to be sick. I am of the nature to die. All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change”. It’s a daily reminder. A call to not be ‘future corpses pretending we don’t know,’ as Tisdale puts it.
Spend time near death.
If you want to be more comfortable with death, spend time near it (this was a takeaway from Doughty’s book too). We can’t all be palliative care nurses, or morticians, but we can meditate in cemeteries, read books, attend virtual death cafes, or volunteer at a local hospice. We could even start a whole blog about it ;)
Rethink dignity.
One thing made crystal clear in this book is that when asked to be the caregiver, we are honoured to help in any way required. But when we are in the bed, the shame of soiling ourselves, appearing unkempt, unclean, “indecent,” are all deeply, deeply troubling. For some, the thought of having a loved one (or anyone) need to help us go to the bathroom, to change our linens, or to bathe us, is dreadful. Dreadful. But unless you have a sudden death, it’s highly likely this will be your future (mine too). Start contemplating dignity. Is there more to autonomy than just physical independence? Can we retain our dignity even as the body deteriorates? To Tisdale, “dignity is an expression of this greatest of freedoms: to not be disturbed by what happens to the body.”
IN SUM:
Is this book entirely secular? Almost, but no (unless her description of the “separate self” that is spacious and unbounded is actually secular). A brief nod to “collective thought” which hints at reincarnation.
If you had to describe the book in one sentence? A succinct guide on how to be with existential terror, how to be the caregiver or the one in the bed, and how to inhabit grief.
Who should read this book? Those who want practical advice about dying served up in short sentences and with a side of dry humour.