Let's Talk About Death (Steve Gordon and Irene Kacandes)
Irene Kacandes is a professor of comparative literature and German studies at Dartmouth college. She first connected with Steve Gordon, then the Sunday editor of the local paper, to publish a commemorative tribute to two of her late colleagues. Years later Irene read that Steve Gordon had switched careers from journalism to massage therapy and had founded a non-profit organization called The Hand to Heart Project, which offers free massages to people with life-limiting illnesses. Irene, remembering Steve, reached out to say hello. What followed was a multi-year thread of back and forth emails discussing the topic of death. This book is the email thread.
OVERVIEW
Irene Kacandes’s insights draw from her experiencing the loss of her two friends to violent deaths and the subsequent losses of her brother-in-law, mother-in-law, and father. Steve Gordon’s insights draw mostly from his work with the Hand to Heart Project, and so his experience working with those at the end of their lives. This book is simply a collection of their back and forth exchanges from 2011-2015, covering everything from how to cope with sudden loss to the consequences of living without an awareness of death. While nothing in Let’s Talk About Death feels like a revelation, I suspect that’s largely because I’ve done so much reading on the subject already. For anyone who feels great trepidation at the thought of even discussing death, this book will be happily received.
WHAT NOW? (actions for mortal atheists)
Because the text is entirely conversational and not meant to give advice or provide information, the only standout action for me was:
Find someone you can talk to about death
It doesn’t have to be a close friend or family member, but treasured is the person whom you can bounce ideas off of and who is interested in discussing mortality and death with you. For those of us who make up our minds by talking/writing things out (present company included), find a fellow deathling to be pen pals with.
IN SUM:
Is this book entirely secular? No with a capital ‘N.’ (Irene Kacandes is an Orthodox Christian; Steve Gordon is agnostic – whether that’s agnostic atheist or agnostic theist I couldn’t say.)
If you had to describe the book in one sentence? A 200-page promissory note that talking about death with a friend can be transformative and healing.
Who should read this book? Newcomers to the topic of death who are wondering how the heck you even broach the subject.