Making Friends With Death (Laura Pritchett)
OVERVIEW
Making Friends With Death by Laura Pritchett clocks in at book #99 for the blog. As I approach my goal of 100, this was the perfect penultimate read – a book that asks lots of hard questions, a book with homework. Making Friends With Death is filled with practical advice and plenty of to-dos. Because the best part of this read was all the exercises, I’m going to skip straight to the business end of my usual review template!
WHAT NOW? (actions for mortal atheists)
Start with some hard questions
On a scale of 1 to 10, how ready are you to die?
When you think about death, what’s the first emotion that you feel?
What would you like to feel when you think about death?
What scares you the most?
How would you live if you had 1 year left? 1 month? 1 day? 1 hour?
What have you done that you’re most proud of? What good deeds will you be remembered by?
Create a death mantra
Pritchett describes a death mantra as the last phrase you want to be thinking or the last image you want to be seeing, something that would comfort you in your final moments. Would you recite the names of your children? Imagine a favourite nature spot? A memory? A song? Whatever it is, write it down and then practice whenever you can. Pritchett’s mantra includes “love and peace,” imagining mountains and rivers and books, the loveliness of a hot summer day, the smell of apples, etc. Whatever it is, practice and keep it close. When the final moment comes, you’ll have your peace of mind ready.
Practice
Just like you can practice your golf swing, you can practice dying. Lie down and say to yourself “This is it, I am dying.” As you exhale, imagine it’s your last breath. What thoughts and sensations arise? Notice them and then let them pass. Imagine the whole run-up: getting a terminal diagnosis, saying goodbye to your friends and family, lying in bed knowing you won’t have many more days left. And of course, keep practicing that final breath. Pritchett humourously recalls a saying she once heard: “When you have to go to the bathroom, it’s too late to build a latrine.” Build your latrine now!
Get your affairs in order
Who do you want around you when you die? What medical procedures don’t you want? Have you told anyone? Who can you trust to respect your wishes? Do you have a will? Is it up to date? Is there anyone you need to forgive, or ask forgiveness from? Doing all your death admin will reduce some of the fear and stress of mortality, and it will make life less fraught for your loved ones and substitute decision makers.
Now… LIVE
Don’t distract your life away by watching crappy TV shows that don’t actually bring you joy. Don’t dilute your time by intentionally checking out or numbing yourself. Ask which activities in your life are meaningful, and which ones are just there to pass the time. Try to be in the present, not ruminating on the past or stressing about the future. Get rid of clutter – physical, emotional, relationship, etc. Make sure your work, your relationships, and your charity (volunteering, helping others, etc.) are deep and full of quality.
That’s just a taste of all the great advice collected in this book. There’s so much more – advice on how to write your own epitaph and obituary, how to prepare for the unexpected (a sudden death, dementia), memorials and other legacy projects, Pritchett’s favourite movies and books and songs about death, etc. I would highly recommend exploring everything.
IN SUM:
Is this book entirely secular? No.
If I had to describe the book in one sentence? Homework to prepare you for death.
Who should read this book? Those ready to make friends with death (which should be everyone, given that no one is getting out alive!).