The Power Of Meaning (Emily Esfahani Smith)
OVERVIEW
We learned in Jesse Bering’s “The Belief Instinct” why humans search for meaning in life, but Emily Esfahani Smith is concerned with how we achieve that meaning.
In doing research for “The Power of Meaning,” Esfahani Smith uncovers this: A meaningful life doesn’t necessarily mean a happy life; meaning and happiness are not synonymous (see Nozick’s thought experiment). For humans, far more important than happiness is connection and contribution, feeling contented and fulfilled and significant. More than Aristotle’s hedonia, we want eudaimonia – which is to say, more than feeling good, we want to be and do good. So how do we craft a life that matters? Esfahani Smith offers that meaning arises from: “our relationships to others, having a mission tied to contributing to society, making sense of our experiences and who we are through narrative, and connecting to something bigger than the self.” She breaks these down into four “pillars” of meaning: belonging, purpose, storytelling, and transcendence.
1. Belonging: we all need to feel understood, recognized, and affirmed. We need to love and be loved. We need close relationships built on mutual affection, and we need “high-quality connections” – those positive, short-term interactions with other people. Belonging requires compassion, kindness, devotion, and putting others before ourselves.
2. Purpose: we need a goal to work towards, and this goal needs to have two features: 1) it feels important and far-reaching (not mundane or immediate), and 2) it contributes to the world in some way (i.e. we are adopting a service-based mindset). Intertwined with purpose is identity because purpose requires self-reflection and self-knowledge. Living purposefully means aligning our goals with our values and principles.
3. Storytelling: we need to reflect on the events of our lives and find a way to connect them together into a unified narrative. Psychologists say that coherence is a key source of meaning, and storytelling is how we achieve it. It’s how we make sense of the world, and ultimately how we assign meaning.
4. Transcendence: we need transcendent experiences. Awe is the emotional response to mystery, which is another way of saying that awe is the feeling we have when contemplating something so big or vast that it’s difficult to comprehend. A magnificent vista, a starry sky, an extraordinary act of kindness, the birth of your child, or even big thoughts like contemplating time, the scale of the universe, or the incredible improbability of your existence. Key ingredients of the transcendent experience are: 1) your sense of self washes away, and 2) you feel deeply connected to others and the world.
If you’re a skeptic thinking transcendence can’t be achieved without religiosity or some type of magic-thinking, click here.
For Esfahani Smith, meaning is what gives life its luster and sense of fulfillment. The feelings associated with a fuller life are not happiness or pleasure, but rather the feelings of affirmation and affection we get from belonging, the feeling of authenticity we get from living purposefully, the feeling of coherence we get from storytelling, and the feelings of peace and well-being we get from transcendence. These all contribute to the feelings of significance and fulfillment that accompany a life imbued with meaning.
The last section deals with death, and its intimate connection to meaning. Esfahani Smith says “contemplating death can actually help us, if we have the proper mindset, to lead more meaningful lives.” Death is the value-giving border to life; death gives life its preciousness and its sense of urgency. So, thinking about death illuminates meaning. But this works the other way too: leading a meaningful life is a defense against deathbed regrets, the most common of which are not fulfilling one’s true aspirations and not spending enough time with people we love. Death and meaning go hand in hand.
I see ways in which the four pillars of meaning protect against death anxiety too. Irvin Yalom (Staring At The Sun), an existential psychotherapist, said that forming personal connections (belonging) had the single greatest impact in ameliorating existential angst; for Ernest Becker (The Denial of Death) and Sheldon Solomon et. al (The Worm At The Core), living out our values and choosing satisfying immortality projects (purpose) are key ingredients to robust self-esteem, which is armor against death anxiety; Stephen Jenkinson (Die Wise) talked extensively about the place for storytelling in life, and how the narratives we craft about death can remove unnecessary fear; and finally transcendence, if we synonymize it with feeling part of something bigger than ourselves, is one way to achieve the “ego death” that prepares us for the prospect of real death.
Attend to belonging, purpose, storytelling, and transcendence, and you’re more likely to say your life matters, that it’s meaningful – and this is far more predictive of overall life satisfaction than fleeting hedonistic pursuits.
WHAT NOW? (actions for mortal atheists)
This one is simple. Now that you know what the pillars are, strengthen them. Find your tribe. Choose your project. Craft your narrative. Find things that give you a sense of wonder. In supplement,
Use expressive writing
One of the suggestions in the book to strengthen the storytelling pillar is to write about your life. Expressive writing allows us to process events and to choose the perspective we’ll take when reflecting on our lives. In the process, uncover the internalized story you’ve created for yourself and decide how you may want to adapt, revise, or re-frame your interpretation. Reflect on pivotal moments and consider how these have shaped who you are as your life has unfolded. Things don’t happen for a reason, but you can use reflection and introspection to engage in sense-making.
Find a challenging project to devote yourself to that’s tied to your values
This one is a supplement to the pillar of purpose. As kids we learn that hard work and sacrifice are required to achieve the things we want. Conversely, as adults we are always searching for the quick fix – the easy high. Remember this from your childhood: quick and easy often means empty. The feeling of fulfillment we get after devoting time to challenging tasks (rather than to the fleeting high of easy pleasure) even has a name: the IKEA effect. Find something challenging to do, something long-term that’s aligned with your values and principles.
IN SUM:
Is this book entirely secular? No.
If I had to describe the book in one sentence? There are four pillars to meaning in life: belonging, purpose, storytelling, and transcendence.
Who should read this book? Those preoccupied with the question “how can I craft a life that matters?”