Standing At The Edge (Joan Halifax)
OVERVIEW
Standing At The Edge is an exploration of Joan Halifax’s theory that there are 5 ‘Edge States’ – 5 internal/interpersonal qualities that are keys to leading a compassionate and courageous life. Halifax calls them ‘Edge States’ because over the ‘edge’ they have harmful flipsides. The 5 Edge States are: altruism, empathy, integrity, respect, and engagement, and their negative counterparts are pathological altruism, empathic distress, moral distress, disrespect, and overwork. There is also a final section on compassion.
I thought (for various reasons) that Standing At The Edge was going to be about facing death, but I completely misunderstood the premise. I kept reading though because altruism, empathy, integrity, respect, and engagement are qualities I feel make for a good life, and are certainly qualities you need as a caregiver to someone who is dying. So why not. Take what you like and leave the rest.
WHAT NOW? (actions for mortal atheists)
How to approach altruism:
Direct your altruism from a place of selfless goodness and not out of fear, duty, obligation, or the need for social approval. Altruism aimed at “fixing,” “helping,” or “rescuing,” instead of serving is pathological altruism, which frequently leads to burnout. Notice if you are “othering” the object of your altruism. Aim instead to develop your sense of mutuality and compassion for others. Bear witness to suffering with courage and openness, and respond with care.
How to approach empathy:
Empathy is our capacity to understand the physical, emotional, or mental experiences of another – to see through their eyes. If we overidentify with suffering, or can’t release the experience, we face empathic distress. Like other stress responses, there may be anxiety and emotional turmoil; we might feel numb or be filled with anger. In most cases, we withdraw. To pull yourself out of empathic distress make sure you are setting limits, offering your empathy unconditionally and without expectation, and recognizing the common good as well (to balance the negative).
How to approach integrity:
To have integrity is to have a conscious commitment to honour strong moral and ethical principles – to abide by our values. When others violate our moral values we can experience moral suffering. Being unable to right a wrong, witnessing (or participating in) unconscionable acts, or experiencing extreme anger toward those who cause harm are all manifestations of moral suffering. Halifax recommends expanding your inquiry to include those who do the harm. Can you understand the place of suffering they acted from? Can you soften around that understanding?
What are your values? Are you living your values? Create a list of your values/principles, and remember to maintain the intention to practice them. If the frustration and anger is directed towards yourself for harming someone else, reset your intention to live your values and take a moment to expand your kindness to include yourself.
How to approach respect:
Halifax describes respect toward someone as honouring their autonomy and right to privacy, acting with integrity toward them, and being loyal and truthful to them. We can also have respect for principles and values, and respect for ourselves. Disrespect may take the form of bullying, hostility toward others, internalized oppression, or exploitation. You can cultivate respect for others by engaging your empathy and compassion. Before speaking, ask yourself if what you’re about to say is true, kind, beneficial, and necessary. If your self-respect is strong, you have no need to oppress or denigrate others.
How to approach engagement:
Engagement refers to engagement with our vocation. To be engaged is to be absorbed, energized, and satisfied by our work and service – to be motivated. If pushed too hard though, if working from a place of fear, escapism, or compulsion, we can experience burnout, exhaustion, and cynicism. We get demoralized or feel ineffective. To avoid the burnout of overwork, we must approach our work with appreciation, gratefulness, humour, curiosity, and openness. Focus less on outcomes and more on benefiting others. Work and serve wholeheartedly.
A note on compassion
Halifax doesn’t think you can overdo it on compassion and that compassion is how to prevent “falling over the edge.” Halifax believes having genuine concern and a desire to end the suffering of others is the most universal source of joy and meaning in life. She describes three kinds of compassion: 1) Referential compassion – the compassion we feel for others, 2) Insight-based compassion – the compassion that comes forth from moral imperative, and 3) Non-referential compassion – universal compassion when the barrier between self and other dissolves. Throughout Standing At The Edge, Halifax returns to compassion as the way out of suffering.
IN SUM:
Is this book entirely secular? No. A few religious stories (about Jesus and bodhisattvas), a brief story of Halifax asking the Dalai Lama to pray for an auspicious rebirth, recounting religious values, etc.
If you had to describe the book in one sentence? An exploration of altruism, empathy, integrity, respect, engagement and compassion, and their negative counterparts.
Who should read this book? Those struggling to understand when positive qualities like altruism and empathy become pathological, and what to do about it.