How To Write An Atheist's Eulogy

How do you write a eulogy for an atheist? Or an agnostic, skeptic, humanist, freethinker, or all-around secular person? It’s just like you would write any other eulogy, but with no religious language or mention of anything supernatural.

What to keep out

The religious piece is the easiest to understand. Atheists don’t believe in (or have no belief in) god, so anything related to religion – god, angels, prophets, heaven, hell, etc. – should be kept out. While atheism is a non-belief in god, atheists generally don’t believe in anything supernatural either. This means any mention of spirits, souls, the afterlife, reincarnation, or surviving death in any way should also be excluded. Do not say they are ‘in a better place,’ ‘watching over you,’ or that you’ll ‘see them again someday.’ Do not say their death was part of ‘a plan,’ or that it happened ‘for a reason.’ Your loved one likely believed that people die because death is natural (i.e. purely biological reasons) and that consciousness in no way survives bodily death.

 It should go without saying, but prayers or readings from religious books are also inappropriate.

What to put in

So what can you say? You can say/write anything else that would normally be in a eulogy. Sharing memories and personal stories, expressing grief, reading secular poetry – all of that can be included. You should absolutely talk about how your loved one affected your life and what a great privilege it was to know them. Share what their values were, how they made you feel, good advice they gave, or what you will miss most about them.

Comforting words

If you’re used to non-secular platitudes like ‘they’re in a better place’ or ‘they’re with god now,’ you may wonder what secular words can be comforting at a funeral. There are plenty of things that you can speak to. General secular thoughts might be:

·       that they are no longer suffering

·       that their kindness, compassion, and love made the world a better place

·       that their memories and kind deeds continue to live on

·       that the world is forever changed from having them in it

·       how grateful you are for having known and loved them

If your loved one was a scientist, or loved science in general, there are more specific themes/ideas that you may want to include. You could speak to the profound statistical improbability of them having been born, and what an incredible stroke of good luck it was that you existed in the cosmos together and found each other. You may want to talk about how every atom of their being still exists, how they will always be part of the world around you. If they taught you anything about love, kindness, ambition, or other personal qualities, then their life will continue to change the world through you.

There was a great blurb written called “Why you want a physicist to speak at your funeral.” Feel free to quote directly from that.

A final word

Much of the above also applies to your interactions with atheists or secular relatives and friends who are grieving. It’s a misconception that atheists think life is devoid of meaning (atheism does not equal nihilism); everyone feels deep grief when someone they love dies. If you are religious, know that while your religious beliefs may comfort you, they will not comfort an atheist. Given how many secular words and consolations there are to offer, now is a time to keep your beliefs to yourself.